"Lazy eyes? Why would you find Quasimodo sexy?!," screams my fiancé later that afternoon after I confessed my awkward crush. Obvious jealousy, but the attraction does not go as far as a deformed twelfth century bell ringer. And he knows this, the fact that I have always squirmed for cute little quirks that people have, makes my heart beat faster. He's an example, as I have always giggled at the small gap in his teeth like a tiny Japanese girl clutching a teeny cartoon-eyed stuffed kitty.
I have always been drawn to a little character in the opposite sex, a certain jeune se qua that I find irresistibly charming. As human beings we have been taught to achieve perfection, to always look our best and strive to keep ourselves dipped in vanity. The arrival of summertime brings chaotic rushes to packed gyms, 90 minute daily work-out routines, diet sodas and lean cuisines. As I drive around suburban Decatur near dusk, hundreds of joggers take to the streets like synchronized, iPod sporting zombies. Most of them already in serious shape. Everyone wants to feel comfortable in their skin but at what cost do we need to sacrifice enjoying our lives to achieve excellence.
I love to rub my sweethearts squishy belly, it makes him human. In the past I have swooned over the protruding ears of a old crush. The way they unfurl like the wingspan of a airborne seagull. His greasy hair and Harrison Ford-like crooked nose. His arms too long for the rest of slinky yet lean frame. Another, with carrot red hair, had an awkward walk like the anthropomorphic Goofy, and I found it oddly irrespirable. WHY? This particular Joe I despised to find adorable, but it was more of his nervous lisp that set it all off. Why oh why do I have to find these odd characteristics so alluring.
A childhood friend of my fiancé came to visit us last month. He is sweetly apologetic and has a stutter when pronouncing the letter S. I wanted to set him up with a friend immediately, but he is undoubtedly taken. Many would come to the conclusion that I like straight-up dorks. This is true. But it is more that, it is my love for human characteristics and uniqueness.
I walk past muscle-bound brutes with frosted tips. Boring, not to mention disgusting. Everybody loves a pretty face but a man who isn't completely vain about his appearance and uses his wit, intelligence and humor is far more attractive. Looks fade but personality is forever. And these odd little quirks don't apply to Women who battle the war with vanity more now than ever before. Vogue, television and Photoshop have ruined it for all of us forever. Fashion Week with their giraffe necked and monkey limbed models and their blank stares strut the runway as the embodiment of what true beauty is supposed to look like. If this is what women should look like, then why do models seem so unhappy? With a diet consisting of cigarettes, peppermints and diet coke, would you be happy? Perez Hilton crudely points squiggly cartoon arrows at Kelly Clarkson's "flabby" arms.
Uh..didn't you used to be fat too? Then shut up. Sarah Jessica Parker gets her "witch" mole removed. Dirty Dancing's Jennifer Grey gets her adorable nose reconstructed so she looks like very one else. Have you heard from her in the last 10 years? No. Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Lindsey Lohan all defended the fact that they loved their curvy, womanly bodies. Kardashian suddenly came out with a work-out DVD, Hewitt looks like a flower stem about to break and Lohan saunters around Hollywood Boulevard like a scene from "The Mummy Returns". These images distort what is really important. Personality goes a long way.
A friend of mine who is beautiful internal and external, walks with a limp due to a terrible accident years ago . Now she walks with a slight limp that has improved beautifully, but on occasion she uses a cane. Damn, I wish I had a cane. She looks incredibly cool with it. I'm not trying to poke fun at a serious situation, although she rather you not feel sorry for her, but her confidence in her disabitity makes her all the more attractive. She once was extremely self conscious of the scars that wrap around her legs like kudzu, she now proudly shows them off with her head high. There is extreme sex appeal in a person who loves themselves no matter what they look like. And you know, her gapped teeth are adorable too.
This is a trait that takes time to appreciate. We as humans aren't going to be the most confident creatures, especially in adolescence, it is a confidence that grows with age, maturity and experience. Although I still occasional have days where I feel like a burlap sack , I am confident in my body more than ever. I don't really work out anymore because the flinging sweat of fellow gym patrons made me gag, but have turned to walking and swimming for exercise. Also, I'm a vegetarian so I live off of fruits, vegetables , soy meat and vitamins to stay healthy. Yeah, so... I've got split ends, chipmunk cheeks like a six year old, no butt, E.T. fingers, a scar on my eyebrow and on my left hip, I'm a little awkward, way too loud and have a slight pooch belly. So what. That's never going to change and that's what makes me...me. And I like it that way.
-Dusty Bravo
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